We are a culture of people pleasers. We feel guilty saying no, we feel obligated to do what is asked and when it is asked.
We stay back at work when we had dinner plans, we go to that bar when we really just wanted to go to the movies, or we help a friend move when we really wanted to go to our kid's football game.
When we say no to others, we are really saying yes to ourselves. We are saying yes to time spent writing that blog, or going to the gym, or more time at home spent with your kids.
When we say no, we are honouring ourselves. When we honour ourselves, we set a positive example for others to totally respect themselves too. We show the people around us that it is ok to politely say no to something that doesn't serve our highest good. It isn't out of arrogance that we say no to others, it's out of a delicate respect that we hold for ourselves.
But why is it that we feel it necessary to say yes to everything that is asked? Basically, we are scared of what the asker, and other people, might think of us. We are afraid that they might think that we are a bad person, or that we don't care about them, or simple that we are rude. In other words- we feel obligated. But we are none of those things when we say no to things that do not serve us. Are you a bad person when you say no when your friend is telling you to have one more drink? No, of course not, you are just looking out for yourself more than you are looking out for their interest in you.
We also cannot control how other people react. There will be times that someone might take you saying no personally, but know that their reaction is out of your control and it is simply a reflection of their own internal state. There will also be times when those same people are supportive and encouraging of your polite decline.
Saying yes to yourself and utilising your time doing positive and productive things, will help us become more fulfilled people, and who gets to reap the rewards of being around happy and fulfilled people?.. the very people you respectfully said no to!
Now, this isn't an excuse to start being rude, anything but, and you may also require some tact when saying no at times, but know that you value your own needs more at times, and it's up to you to put yourself first.
Take note- no one will respect us more than we respect ourselves. So set the standard for the level of respect you wish to receive and show others that its perfectly ok for them to do the same.
Leave a comment below about a time when you have felt obligated to say yes when really you wanted to say no.
Remember, every smile is contagious, so go spread the good stuff.